Bush Whacker

 

One fine day, a Liberal was out for a walk. Along the way, he heard moaning and groaning coming from the bushes. Walking over, he looked through the thicket of branches and noticed a big stick. The noises of a wounded beast were coming from the stick. Pushing the stick aside, he discovered a badly injured snake under it. At first, the Liberal was fearful and wanted to kill it. But then the poor snake pleaded, "Help me! Help me! I'm badly hurt. I need help!" The Liberal overcame his fear, carefully picked up the snake and brought it home.

For many weeks, the Liberal nursed the snake back to health. He cleaned and bound its wounds. He fed and clothed it. When the snake had recovered, the Liberal asked what had happened. The snake said it was lying in the path, sunning itself, when someone came along and started beating it with a big stick. Eventually, the badly beaten snake was pushed off the trail with the stick and left to die. The Liberal asked the snake, "Do you have any idea why that happened?" The snake said, "No, I don't." And with that, the snake suddenly lunged at the Liberal, bit him, and ran out of the house.

The Liberal could see the snake's bite was serious, so immediately called emergency and was taken to the hospital. Several days and thousands of dollars later, the Liberal was released and went his way.

The next spring, the Liberal was out taking a walk when he heard moans and groans from the bushes near the path. Looking through the brush, he noticed a snake lying near a large stone. The snake said, "Help me! Help me! My back is broken. I need a lot of help." Despite his previous experience, the Liberal felt sorry for the snake, so brought it home and cared for it.

This time it took many months for the snake to recover. The Liberal not only cleaned and bound the snake's wounds, and fed and clothed it, but set its broken bones and gave it therapy. However, the Liberal was careful to avoid the snake's mouth for fear of being bit. The snake, seeing the Liberal's reservations about it, said he would never hurt anyone who had cared for it so tenderly.

When at last the snake seemed recovered, the Liberal noticed its old wounds. He asked it "Aren't you the same snake that I helped before?" The snake said, "Why yes, I am. It was me you helped, and I am forever grateful for it." The Liberal said, "I am glad to help those in need. But, how is it you ended up wounded even worse than before?" The snake said, "Well, I am not entirely sure, but I think it was because I bit someone who was walking down the path." With that, the snake struck out and bit the Liberal. It said, "Truly, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, but I can't help myself," and ran out of the house.

The Liberal managed to call emergency before passing out from anaphylactic shock. This time the Liberal suffered severely from the bite, and was in the hospital for weeks. He didn't have enough health insurance. He lost his job becauses he was sick so long. He had to sell his home and most of his possessions. When he was released, he had to move to a rickety hotel and eat in soup kitchens. His former friends shunned him, thinking he was just another bum. It took him years to find a new job and friends, and put his life back together.

One summer, having regained most of his health, the Liberal went out for a walk. Unexpectedly, he heard moans and groans from the bushes near the path. Looking among the bushes, he found a snake near death. The snake said, "Help me! Help me! Somebody cut me with a knife. I need a transfusion and surgery right away!" This time the Liberal asked, "Aren't you the same snake that bit me twice?" "Yes," the snake hissed, "I did." Breathing hard, it went on, "And I am truly sorry, I am grateful for all you did for me. I owe you my life."

"Yes you do!" said the Liberal. "That's right! You can't help yourself.," he whispered. He grabbed a rock. "You're a snake!" That said, he smashed the snake's head, killing it.

Then he went home and never helped another snake, especially not one in the bushes.